It's easy to think that the grass is always greener on the other side, and you could believe that all your life. Married people will wish they were single, and single people want to get married. People with kids envy those without, and vice verse. Cars, homes, money, jobs, and the list can go on. Don't worry about what you think you might be missing out on, cause there are plenty of people who wished they married their first love. You are young, and may not want to plant roots. That is ok. Maybe marriage was just this far off romance that you were thinking about, and the reality is too grown up for you. Not to mean that your too young to get married, but that you taking it very seriously. That's normal, and very mature. Talk to the boyfriend about what you want in life, immediate and down the road. He may be having the same fears, and his words may be comforting in you stressful situation.I need relationship advice from experienced daters or married people. ?
I don't think you should bring those thoughts into your marriage. If you do, your starting out bad and it could end before it starts.
I don't know you or him but, maybe you'd consider holding off the relationship a few months while you straighten out your head.
I personally ever haven't gone THAT far with a guy yet. Just ask yourself, can you see yourself being with him in 10 years?? Having children maybe?? Just pray, and ask God for help. Love is a confusing thing.
as Ben said to Luke Skywalker.... '; Luke .. trust your feelings... ';
and i say the same
you only 21
and comtemplating marriage
you never dated anyone else
you do not even know who you are at 21
and neither does he
neither of you know what you want out of life
I can guarantee you 10 years from now you and him will both be different people
their is a reason why people under 25 divorce at a 85% rate
their is simple to much ';feelings'; going on and not enough groundwork set for a marriage
and that involves maturity and time
personally
if i had a daughter who was like you and she wanted to get married
i say fine, but i am kicking you out of the house
you pay for the wedding
and you are not coming back in after the divorce
but i'll show up for the free food and booze :)
good luck
First no relationship is perfect, every relationship needs nurturing. When you spend a lot of time with someone, monotony does set in, to fight it you need to make efforts to keep your relationship as fresh and young as it was initially, like surprising each other with gifts, naughty ones are better:) try and look at him from other women's eyes, that will make him more desirable. as for fear of commitment, it's natural, since from whatever yo;ve said u don't sound commitment phobic. BTw there's some great relationship advice on the net, why don't you check it out, you might find answers to most of your qs. check this one out its got some good relationship and sex advice-http://boomeryearbook.com/blog/category/鈥?/a>
I have to say you're young. And many young couples don't last simply because of the types of feelings you're having right now. When you ask yourself if there's someone better out there, not only is it lack of dating experience that's making you ask this...but yes there is some flags about this guy you love so much that's bothering you. Plus your commitment fears as well.
However, instead of jumping ship, it seems like you're just going through the motions and that you still want to stick around with this guy. So since that's not the issue, how about looking at your commitment issues instead? And maybe tell this guy to back off the marriage talk for a while too while you sort out your own issues and insecurities. Otherwise he may inadvertently drive you away.
Whatever you do DON'T wait for a ';reason'; to leave.
Don't, don't, don't, don't, wait for someone you think is better or until you have feelings for someone else.
You need to be honest with him and tell him you feel this way now...yes, now...I don't care if you two ';are really good right now'; or whatever..tell him your concerns before it becomes ';we need to break up'; or ';there's someone else';
Don't be a coward and don't be truly selfish by not telling him the truth.
Whatever happens, if you do end it, give him time to heal and don't date anyone really soon after...it hurts the other person tremendously and is not how you would treat someone you cared about in any capacity.
Good luck.
ok could be 1 of 2 things 1 your not ready to give up your whole freedom because of what might be. I felt the same way as you at times and it was because I was with the wrong person. I felt more of a urge to date and be free but yet I cared for and wanted to be with the person I was with. Which made no sense what so ever. Well anyway as time went on that urge came strong and the relationship ended.
I don't think it's a fear of commitment when you already been with this person as long as you have.
When I felt this way was because I needed to move on with out the person I was with. Sad but true that's the way it was for me.
Number 2 when you start asking yourself if there might be something better out there for you. That's when you need to ask yourself why are you still with this person? If you really wanted to be with him you would not be thinking this.
Also listen to your gut on this something about him is making you also feel this way. Whatever it is just trust yourself if you decide to end it you made the right choice. Nobody likes to break somebodys heart but that's life and it happens.
My first thought is you say you are 21 and have been dating him 4 years which means since you were 17. It may be that you do need to consider what you really want. You don't mention if you are in school or working. Do you feel you've had a chance to experience your life? I didn't married until I was 29 so people who married their high school sweetheart may disagree but you may need to find out who you are before you get married. It may be normal to be afraid of commitment at 21!
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